batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
