Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
