You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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