Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize