therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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