well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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