I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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