jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
