i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
