he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
