Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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