Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
