some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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