I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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