I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
