Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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