I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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