i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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