loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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