watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
