I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
