I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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