Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
