So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
