Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
