There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
