I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
