I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
