Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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