saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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