He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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