Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
