I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
