The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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