haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
