and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
