At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
