Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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