she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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