we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Found the puke drawer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
