yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
