Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
