I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
