guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
