dude i'm inner monologue high
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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