ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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