he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
