last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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