Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
