I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
