Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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