my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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