dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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