I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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