dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
