they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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