every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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