My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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